MY HEALING CHANGES

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

12 Things HAPPY PEOPLE Do Differently

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How to Experience Growth from Loss

When a profound loss occurs, our minds are anguished and our hearts are shattered beyond recognition. The extreme sadness that we feel makes it nearly impossible to envision ever returning to a "normal” life. We do know, however, that there's a healing process. Many grieving individuals find ways to learn and grow from their loss. On our Facebook page atfacebook.com/mygriefsupport, we asked members "Is there a way to grow from your loss?” Here are some of their responses.
"I think I did,” said Sandra. "Caring for my mom helped me realize how things can go so quickly. I have a new mantra for myself: 'I can only be the person I want to be. I can't change others, so I need to do what I need to do, regardless.”
Chantel said, "I learned to tell people that I care about them. I also realized how short life is. I changed my career track and started doing what I wanted to do. Grief can suck you into a dark whole, not to say that the pain ever goes away, but every experience in life can teach you how to be a better person if you're open to it. The openness is the subject piece that only comes with time and maybe even the aspects surrounding the loss.”
Dawn was surprised by the magnitude of the grieving process. "I don't know what I thought grieving would feel like, but it's a feeling of simultaneously experiencing, living, growing, exploding inside and absolute despair,” she said. "I can only hope right now that I will get to the other side and be able to help others through this one day because it's a heck of a place that we are in.”
"I have done many of the things that people here do, keeping it together for others (or even keeping it together for myself because I don't know whether I am coming or going),” she said. "However, I do think that it makes me much more aware of others. With my close friends it makes me aware that we all share this one single human element—emotion. It makes me feel more empathetic than I usually do. Even with strangers, I feel connected in some strange way when we are all experiencing this human condition called life.”
Do you have a similar story to share? If you would like to join in this conversation or others, we welcome you to share on our Facebook page or at our Grieving.com forums.

Technical Tip: Gallery

Our Grieving.com Gallery can be used to upload images that you wish to share with the community. To access it, just click the "Gallery” tab at the top of any page. Clicking an upload link or button will take you to the media upload page. This is a two-step process. First, you'll need to select or create an album (or category) where you can upload the images. Then you can upload images after the upload form appears. When you have uploaded all of your desired images, click the "Review & Publish” button. You can then choose if you'd like to edit or rotate the image.

Visit Us on Pinterest

We have a Pinterest board where people can pin photos of loved ones and find various forms of support, inspiration, and encouragement for their grief journeys. For details, visitpinterest.com/mygriefsupport.

Monday, February 3, 2014

Don't Become A Survivor - 8 ResilienceBehaviors That Help You Recover And Thrive After Trauma And Suffering

http://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2013/10/07/dont-become-a-survivor-8-resilience-behaviors-that-help-you-recover-and-thrive-after-trauma-and-suffering

Cheryl’s take on the 8 most important resilience behaviors are:

1. Know that exacting revenge won’t bring peace.

In the grips of a catastrophe, many are shocked, stunned and unable to function. Soon the shock spirals into rage, fury and blame. As individuals and as communities, we want the killers to be brought to justice; we demand blood for blood. The problem is, even when the bad guys are brought to justice, peace doesn’t come. Peace is an inside job; it is not tethered to outside circumstances.

2. Understand that sometimes your thoughts are not your friends.

When difficulty strikes, we run the “If only…” and “What if?” scenarios in our minds until we’re ragged. It is imperative to allow yourself to “outflow” by simply speaking with another unreservedly and letting go of everything that’s in your mind.

3. Control what you can.

We can’t control what happens to us. We can control how we respond. It’s always a good idea to do what you know works—eat right, work out, sleep an ample amount, etc.—but it’s essential to do those things when you’re in the midst of turmoil. Keeping to your daily routine will ensure that life seems as normal as it possibly can.

4. Help others.

Shifting your focus off of yourself and onto another is one of the few things that can provide a reprieve from the anguish of your own circumstances and thoughts, as well as giving yourself a much-needed perspective shift. No matter how bad we have it, there is always someone else who has it worse. The act of helping people can also make a lasting difference for others, and the knowledge of that is soothing in a way nothing else quite can be.

5. Seize responsibility.

Get a toehold to stop the world from spinning out of control by finding at least one thing for which you can be responsible. This process of seizing responsibility shifts the locus of control from being outside of yourself to being located with you, and it can make our life feel under your control again.

6. Don’t become a survivor.

Move out of victimhood and straight through the role of survivor without stopping. Understand that being a survivor and being a victim are opposite sides of the same coin; both are predicated upon dragging around the past. Do not condemn yourself to being a survivor; keep moving and put the difficulties of the past behind you.

7. Understand that there’s no getting back to like it was before.

Many people who are going through difficulty utter the words, “I just want to get everything back to like it was before.” Problem is, that is an impossibility. There is no way to un-ring a bell; what’s happened has happened and there is no way to rewind the past. The sooner we can make peace with that reality, the sooner we’ll allow our own healing process to begin.

8. Finally, embrace wabi-sabi.

Wabi-sabi represents a powerful Japanese aesthetic centered on the acceptance of transience and imperfection. Following this worldview and practice, we focus on finding beauty and peace within the challenges of life, and embracing the natural cycles of growth, decay, change, and uncertainty. Wabi-sabi further asserts that the magnificence and perfection of any object lie in its imperfections, so re-frame the way you see what is “wrong” with yourself and the difficulties you face. When you can hold life’s so-called imperfections in that light, you’ll find that what makes you magnificent is everything you’ve previously believed is wrong with you.

* * * * * *

When you have that amazing opportunity in life to meet an individual who has overcome great suffering as a young person, and continues to grow and find new ways to embrace, love and accept herself and others, you know this person has something very important to teach – about life, love, empathy and reaching your fullest potential on this planet.

What imperfections are you struggling so hard to hide today? Can these flaws be the very reflection of how you are truly magnificent in the world?

For more information about Cheryl Hunter, watch her TEDx Santa Monica Talk Wabi-sabi: The Magnificence of Imperfection, read her story, and visit www.cherylhunter.com.

(To learn more about career success and growth, follow me on Twitter, and check out my Amazing Career Project, Career Success Training monthly program, and my book Breakdown, Breakthrough.)